A “Sheldon” Approach to Fashion

A demonstration of how frightening my mind is at times.

Sheldon Cooper of the Big Bang Theory is definitely a fan favorite.  Outlandishly geeky and hilarious, he is simply a fictitious joke to most.  However, his struggles with everyday things are quite real for people like me who are too “analytical” for their own good. I can’t even tell you how many times my inner monologue has announced things like, “Hmmm… It seems as though my catalog of phrases appropriate for ‘small talk’ with strangers is lacking. I need to increase this to avoid future awkward encounters.”

Since many of my friends and family have got a kick from my story on how I learned to “dress like a human being,” I figured I would share it here to bestow some amusement.

It all began last summer.

I don’t believe in taking summer breaks off of school, like Bill Gates before me advised, the real world doesn’t have summers off. But being so close to graduating college, I simply had no more classes I could take! During this time, I decided to embark on a project.  Unlocking the mysteries behind the art of fashion!

Growing up as a girl with no mother around, all of these “woman things” such as hair, makeup, and fashion have always been very alien to me. After realizing somewhere along the line that despite my feeble attempts, the way I dressed myself never quite seemed to be up to par with that of the stylish, I decided I finally wanted to change that.  Apparently appearances mean a lot or something.  Who knew?  Anyway, this is what I did.

Over the course of one month, I researched feverishly. I discovered the websites of all the women’s fashion magazines found at the supermarket.  I combed through these carefully and learned about seasonal trends and made mental notes. I dissected what constituted an aesthetically pleasing attire. What looked sexy and what looked skanky. Though a lot was hard to quantify,very disturbing for my numbers driven mind, I identified that most of all, the key was to correct fitting clothes.  Don’t want that muffin top exposed, but you do want to show that you are in fact a woman.

At the conclusion of my literature research phase, I moved on to field observations. Perching in the mall and other public places, I people watched. Specifically, I observed the clothing of women. At least I didn’t have a huge notepad, or ask anyone to pose for pictures, but I made countless mental notes on what really looked good and why that was, and what outfits could use work. And stared like a creeper throughout.  In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t land myself in trouble.

Finally, after I felt as though I fully understood what constitutes nice looking clothes and appearance, I went boldly into my closet to try to reproduce my findings.  I went to work putting together a nice looking attire from head to toe.

I was not completely convinced of my results until I had it peer reviewed. Upon taking my attempt at proper fashion into public, the response was very positive! Apparently the project was a resounding success and in the time since, I have received numerous compliments. My friends and family feel like it was an overnight transformation, but it was much delicate research in the making.

Something as simple as dressing, to the Sheldon Coopers of the world, is still the same learning process as anything else.

Stay classy!  And don’t forget that military chic is in this season.

Yours,

Ze Tsarina

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