Two days ago, smoke whistled out of my ears and I shattered into cinder… For, by anyone’s standards, less than good reasons.
The first day of my Analytical Chemistry lab consisted of lab practical, where by the instructor says nothing and the students go forth and complete the assigned experiment the way they see fit. It was a very easy experiment that any veteran chemistry student can do without problems, yet for some reason I continuously bungled it at every turn! By the time that class was over, I had lost a substantial amount of points before thorough grading even began. It was heartbreaking.
I had done everything as carefully as possible, taking note of details, but Lady Luck was just not on my side. Such train wrecks are not abnormal for me, I seem to be plagued by random bouts of temporary brain death, however, such a mess on the first day was a big blow for me.
As I exited the laboratory, my ears whistled like a kettle and I shattered the moment I sat down in my car to drive home. My anxiety plumed like a mushroom cloud, and depression washed over me like an oil spill. I felt like I was at the bottom of my internal pit again. That old friend of mine. I pondered that maybe I could just drop this class and get a BA instead of a BS. I did have options.
I went home and cried. Swallowed by depression, it was all I could do to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue the process of merely living. Tears soaking the pillow, laying in a blackened place, I went to sleep to arise anew. And that I did.
-cue Rocky theme music-
I awoke the next day determined that though that might have been the shittiest start to a semester possible, short of physical ailments or death, that that didn’t mean the rest of the semester was ruined. I have four months to work off that bad grade, and gods be damned, I can do it! I have aced “hard” exams before and I have bested some of the “toughest” chemistry classes. This semester wasn’t going to be one train wreck after another! Not on my watch, and not as long as I still have a killer brown leather bomber jacket and black combat boots to rock confidently. ((please, God, don’t let me lose those tomorrow somehow!)) No, no, you see, I will put the Rocky theme on repeat, and I will begin pouring over my studies effective immediately. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again! I will claim my “A” in May, and it will be glorious.
Look out Analytical Chemistry Course from Hell! Ze Tsarina is barging in!