“Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.”

I never intended to reveal that I am a military spouse, but I came home yesterday to the most devastating news.  He’s going to deploy again.  This time to Afghanistan.  Shock waves of pain shuddered inside of me and my whole world suddenly lost meaning.  What a life it is being a military spouse, where such bombshells are normal and expected to be obediently tolerated and accepted.

I have exams and reports due this week.  My car is in the shop.  And next month, my husband will be leave for six months and everything as I know it will fade to gray and quickly enter my peripheral vision.  Everything I have accomplished for the past two years, insofar as my mental health and it’s delicate stability, is deteriorating under my feet.  I will attempt to crawl from this dark place of mine, but it will likely be a slow process.

He is my best friend and the one who taught me what happiness is really like.  He is truly my rock and during meditation, my visions of inner peace are of him.

Forgive my somber tone.  Tomorrow is another day.  And assuredly it has the potential to be so much brighter.


Ze Tsarina


2 comments on ““Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.”

  1. Carly says:

    Sorry to hear about the re-deployment 😦 That’s got to be a really tough thing to deal with alongside all the regular life stuff.

  2. Chris says:

    As a fellow milspouse, I just wanted to reach out and offer a completely inadequate gesture. Your words eloquently convey the surreal shock of receiving this kind of insane news, and I can sympathize with your pain. Take care. You will come through the darkness.

    On another, happier, note, how fantastic to find a female scientist who’s excited about her work! My middle school daughter loves math and science, and there are few role models out there. Keep it up. I look forward to reading more.


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