These relationship/love problems, they arise from within. They always do. And here I am, laying things down to rest. A final analysis, if you will.
I have discovered that I am attracted to the “beautifully broken.” Deeply sad souls who I see myself in. I hate the way I feel, I hate the cracks I idly trace with my fingers. If I could take it all away, I would. And when I see these people, people in need the way I am, I want to help. I want to do anything I can. No one deserves to feel like that.
And I help. And I have this fantasy that just in the way I helped them, they will help me. And repair my wounds, love me in the most profound way, and we can live a fulfilled life built on gratitude. Happiness, security, loved.
This is a fallacy though. Yes, I know that I am a White Knight until the bitter end, championing the good fight, trying to spread good will to all. This is just a fact. But I can’t expect to run into this soul who will fulfil me like I have never been before. Who will pick me up when I’m down. Who will make me soup when I’m sick.
And maybe I’m that person to someone else.. who gives them everything they could want and more.. but relationships are not elastic. I don’t just get back whatever I put in.
The fact is, the only person looking out for me… is me. And this I learned long ago, when I struck out on my own, determined to make a life for myself of my own design. No one is going to swoop down and rescue me from my pit of despair. It is only me who must crawl out of the pit on my own and champion myself.
It would be great if there were these rescuers who saved you and then fell in love like a good old romance novel. But this is simply fiction.
Never forget this bold strong woman.